


Gay Bar Fiasco

by SkellingtonZero



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Multi, One Shot, Other, Out of Character, Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-25
Updated: 2012-09-25
Packaged: 2017-11-15 00:15:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/521009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkellingtonZero/pseuds/SkellingtonZero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lee takes Sasuke and Neji to a bar, too bad they dont know its a gay bar. Sasuke meets up Itachi, Lee is singing. Chaos ensures.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gay Bar Fiasco

**Author's Note:**

> I have nothing against people who are gay, I just wrote this in the wee hours of the morning and thought it might be a good laugh. I hope it at least made you chuckle, because I did.
> 
> Also I apologise for the spacing, this was a really old copy (many years old) and it has been through hell and back. I tried my best to resurect it best I could.
> 
> Disclaimer: Naruto belong to their respected owners. No copyright infringement intended.

Two young men sat at a bar staring uncomfortably into their drinks. One had midnight blue hair that was styled like a chicken’s ass and the other had long brunette hair that was tied in a loose pony tail. A third young man was with them but he was having fun drinking. The third young man had black hair that was in a soup bowl hair cut.

 

“Lee…I will kill you…” The midnight blue haired young man growled before he drank his shot of vodka. ‘This is the last time! The last goddamn time I listen to Lee!’

 

“Oh lighten up Sas-gayyyy…have fun!” The spandex wearing, bushy eye brow male yelled, downing a shot of vodka.

 

“…I am leaving.” The brunette male stated calmly before turning around to see a man with a tight black shirt on staring at him. “Why hello there beautiful.” The man began. “How about I buy you a drink?”

 

“See Neji? You are popular!” Lee grinned and winked at his uncomfortable friend who took a deep breath before side stepping the man and making a bee-line for the door. “NO! NEJI YOU MUSENT LEAVE ME!” Lee jumped up on the bar stool screaming.

 

The music stopped and all eyes turned to face Neji; he stared awkwardly back into the crowd, his face turning red. ‘I’m going to murder Lee. Painfully.’ Neji slowly slumped back to Lee; then the music began to play again.

 

“Lee why the hell did you bring us to a gay bar?” Sasuke asked, obviously uncomfortable with the situation.

 

Lee turned to face his friend, an innocent confused look on his face. “What do you mean? You two are gay aren’t you? That’s why I brought you guys here.”

 

The two males in question glared at the spandex wearing young man. “Lee,” Sasuke began. “I. Am. Not. Gay.” He growled and slapped him upside the head.

 

Neji sighed and massaged his forehead. “Neither am I. Who gave you the idea that we were?”

 

Lee clutched his head. “Uhhh….Kakashi-Sama and Naruto did…so you guys aren’t? I mean…”

 

“What do you mean you mean?” Sasuke asked his voice low and deadly.

 

“I-I mean…Neji, your hair is so long and silky! Sasuke! You…you never took any interest in women even though they always followed your youthful good looks! And Neji! You…you never I-I mean…I assumed that since you two never dated women that…I…”

 

Neji took a shot and a deep breath before looking at the dance floor to see men of all ages dancing and drinking. ‘Shit…shit shit shit! What the hell do I do? I’m not gay…I’m not gay…I’m not gay!’ He glanced over to see Sasuke hunched over the bar grabbing a bottle of tequila, and a man standing behind him staring at his ass.

 

“What the hell?! Get your hand off my ass!” Sasuke yelped as the man standing behind him grabbed his ass. He turned around and punched the man in his jaw; his face red with irritation and panic.

 

“Okay! You can be the guy! I’ll be the-”

 

“I’M NOT GAY!” Sasuke picked the man up by his shirt collar.

 

“Put him down!” Lee jumped in; he grabbed Sasuke’s arm forcing him to release his vice grip on the man. “You mustn’t start a fight with your youthfulness!” 

 

“What the hell does youth have to do with this?! We’re in a gay bar and guys are hitting on me!” Sasuke pointed to the crowd that had gathered around. Several males had smirks on their faces, pointing to Sasuke and Neji. Whispers erupted though the crowd; mumblings of ‘They are so sexy’ and ‘I bet they haven’t come out of the closet yet, that’s why they claim to not be gay’ floated though the air.

 

‘Fuck…now they really think we’re all gay.’ Neji closed his eyes in attempt to calm down. “Sasuke calm down. You’re only giving them more evidence that you are gay by getting worked up.”

 

Sasuke took a deep breath then slowly released it. He sat on a bar stool next to his pale eyed friend, staring out at the guys dancing.

 

“So...” Neji began, his voice full of curiously. “You really aren’t gay? I really thought that you were.”

 

Sasuke’s eye twitched at the question; he took a gulp of tequila before answering. “No Neji. I’m pretty damn sure I’m not gay. What about you?”

 

Neji raised an eye brown. “I’m straight. What made you think I wasn’t?”

 

“Well what made you think I was gay?”

 

“I asked first.”

 

“Your hair.”

 

“What about it?” Neji absently combed his fingers though the ends of his hair.

 

“I answered yours now you answer mine.”

 

“Fine. You never took any interest in any of the women that run after you. Naturally I assumed you weren’t interested in girls, you preferred men. So you aren’t going to come out of the closet?”

 

Sasuke heaved a heavy sigh and glared at the man beside him. “How can I if I don’t have a closet to come out of?”

 

“True…” Neji muttered before taking a sip of his drink. He scowled at the crowd in front of him; men dancing, drinking, and proclaiming their drunken love for one another. ‘I will kill Lee.’

 

_Gay Bar Fiasco Gay Bar Fiasco_

 

The bushy eyed brow male suddenly appeared in front of Sasuke wearing a hyperactive grin. “Hey Sasuke! Why not dance? C’mon! Do you not know how? I can show you! The power of youth is within me! And in you too! I know it is! You too Neji! With the power of youth in all three of us we can be unstoppable!”

 

Sasuke slowly backed away from his spandex clad friend and into the arms of a tall, lean, long black haired male. “Ah! Shit!” He turned around to stare up into the red eyes of the male. “…I-I-I-I-ITACHI!” He screamed and pointed. “IT’S YOU!”

 

The red eyed male grinned wickedly and picked him up in a hug. “Hi little brother! It’s been so long!”

 

Sasuke squirmed in his arms only to be embraced tighter. ‘Holy shit! Itachi is here! In a gay bar! What the hell?!’ 

 

Finally Itachi put him down to poke his forehead. “So how have you been little brother?”

 

Sasuke gawked up at his older brother. “The hell?”

 

Itachi raised an eye brown and drank the rest of his drink. “Let’s go somewhere…where we can talk.” With that said he grabbed Sasuke’s wrist and lead him down a corridor.

“Are you with that guy in the green spandex?” A young bleach blonde man leaned into Neji, a mischievous smile dancing on his lips.

“Yes. What? No-no wait! Not like that! I’m not gay!”

 

The blonde man chuckled and leaned in closer. “Sure…sure you aren’t…I understand how hard it is to come out of the closet, but with your beautiful long hair-”

 

“IM NOT GAY!” Neji pushed the man aside to take another shot of vodka. ‘Fuck…where’s Sasuke?’ He looked around but couldn’t find him. All he saw was Lee dancing in a crowd on the dance floor; which was something he didn’t care to see at all. ‘He LEFT?! Without me?! TRAITOR!’

 

Sasuke glared daggers at Itachi’s back as he led him down the corridors and up a staircase to a five star hotel and up to a room. “Itachi.”

 

“Hold on little brother.” He glanced over his shoulder to send him an easy smile. Itachi opened the door and pulled Sasuke inside. “Make yourself comfortable.” He stated as he walked over to the bar and poured two drinks.

 

Sasuke sat on a couch, propped his feet up and accepted the drink he was offered. “Why are you here Itachi?”

 

“Nice to see you too Sasuke.” Itachi took a seat beside him. “Fancy meeting you up at a gay bar though…anything you would like to tell me little brother?” He raised an elegant eye brow, a federal smirk dancing on his lips.

 

“I’m not gay.” The midnight blue haired young man mumbled, sipping his drink.

 

“Whatever you say…I won’t judge you…”

 

“I’m not gay!”

 

“Okay okay…but if you are, it’s okay.”

 

“I’M NOT GAY!”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Maybe you’re the gay one.”

 

Itachi scoffed and reclined into the couch. “Oh? How am I gay?”

 

“…You were at a gay bar…”

 

“So were you and you’re claiming to not be gay.”

 

Sasuke sneered. “I haven’t seen you in years and you show up and accuse me of being gay?”

 

“Well you were there by yourself.”

 

“No I wasn’t…shit! Neji!”

 

“Your boyfriend?”

 

Sasuke glared at his older brother. “No. A friend.”

 

“Your gay friend?”

 

Sasuke at Itachi. “Why the hell are you torturing me?”

 

 Itachi smirked and ran a hand through his long hair. “I didn’t force you to do anything. You’re more than welcome to leave if you wish. I just though that maybe you’d like to spend a little time with your older brother.”

 

“So wait…you followed me?!” Sasuke inched away from the man on the couch.

 

“What? No. It was by chance…or fate that we met up at a bar…a gay bar nevertheless…”

 

_Gay Bar Fiasco Gay Bar Fiasco_

 

“LEE! WHERE’S SASUKE?!” Neji shook a drunken Lee by the shoulders in a desperate attempt to shake the drunk off of him.

 

“W-why he…hello there N…Neji!” Lee hiccupped and waved to something in the corner. “Y..You seee that?! The hi…hippopotamus…of YOUTH WAVED AT MEEEEEE!” And then Lee pranced over to the corner and began to dance with the imaginary hippo.

 

Neji stared at Lee for a few seconds. ‘Well…I’m not at fault for that…I didn’t see anything…nope…didn’t see a thing…’ Neji turned around and began his search for Sasuke. ‘I some how doubt he’d be dancing.’ He peered outside on the balcony; but only found two men making out. ‘…I think…I’ll need to gourge my eyes out by the end of tonight…why the hell did Lee have to think we were gay?! Why couldn’t he think we were into strippers?!’

 

He walked down a corridor then up a flight of stairs. It was silent before an ear piercing scream ecohed down the hall.

 

“DAMN YOU ITACHI! FOR THE LAST TIME! I. AM. NOT. GAY!”

 

“Well that had to be Sasuke.” Neji walked up to the door the yelling was coming from and knocked.

“DID YOU ORDER SOME SORT OF DISGUSTING ROOM SERVICE?!” Sasuke’s voice rang though the door.

 

“Calm down little brother. No I didn’t so answer it.” Itachi answered calmly.

 

“HELL NO!”

 

Neji resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Sasuke open the door. It’s me.”  

 

“Who’s you?”

 

“Neji.” ‘You idiot…’ Neji opened the door himself and paled at the sight. Sasuke was standing on the table, a bottle of tequila in one hand, his other was pointing at Itachi who was lying on the couch reading a Shonen Jump magazine.

 

‘I really should have just stayed home.’ He slowly backed out the door then quietly shut it.  

 

“I’M…TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT! TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT! SO SEXY THAT IT HURTS!” Lee’s voice echoed down the halls. Neji re-entered the bar to see his spandex wearing friend dancing atop the bar, mike in hand belting out the lyrics to I’m Too Sexy by Right Said Fred. ‘Am I the only one with a brain? I think he also screwed up those lyrics…’

 

Neji looked up in time to see another male jump on top the bar to begin stripping. ‘Okay. I’m going home. Those two can fend for themselves.’ With that, Neji left the bar, leaving behind Sasuke and Lee.

 

_Gay Bar Fiasco Gay Bar Fiasco_

 

The next morning Neji woke up beside a young brown haired male. “WHAT THE HELL?!” He jumped out of bed only to fall onto the floor. “Ughhh…my head…” He clutched his head in pain and stared down at the hotel floor. ‘Okay…I’m still wearing my boxers…that’s a good sign…the only good sign…’

 

Neji took in his surroundings; he was in an expensive hotel room, clothing was scattered about and the young male was still asleep on the bed. He quickly dressed himself, making sure he collected all of his belongings.  ‘I better not have been the one to pay for this crap…if I find out I was raped I will-shit I don’t even want to think of that…’ He glanced at the young man lying on the bed. ‘Do I wait for him to wake up? Do I leave? What the hell do you do in a situation like this?!’

 

_Gay Bar Fiasco Gay Bar Fiasco_

 

Sasuke woke up to see his older brothers face right in front of his. ‘The hell?’ He sat up only to realize Itachi’s arm was thrown across his stomach. The midnight blue haired young man looked around confused. He was in the same hotel room as last night except now it had clothing thrown about the ground. Upon closer inspection he realized it was his and Itachi’s shirts and pants.  ‘Why are Itachi and I in the same bed….shirtless…? At least I’m still wearing boxers…’ He let out a whimper. “…I want my mommy…” He mumbled before collapsing into a fit of tears; waking Itachi up.

 

“Sasuke?” Itachi mumbled, rubbing his eyes. “What wrong? Why are you crying?” He placed a hand on his back and began to rub soothing circles.

 

Sasuke cringed away from his touch to mumble something incompressible.

 

“I didn’t quite catch that…”

 

“I WANT MY MOMMY!”  

 

_Gay Bar Fiasco Gay Bar Fiasco_

 

Sun shined down in the spandex wearing young mans eyes, waking him from his deep slumber. Lee woke up to hear the distant sound of sheep. ‘Sheep?’ He opened his eyes and slowly stood up. He was in the middle of a meadow with no recollection of how he got there. ‘The last thing I remember was dancing on a table top…’

 

“OH GAI-SENSEI! I WILL PREVAL! THE POWER OF YOUTH IS WITHIN ME TO FIND MY WAY BACK!” He yelled as he stormed off, running though the meadow. 

 

_Gay Bar Fiasco Gay Bar Fiasco_

 

Two figures stood atop a bridge. One was a male with spiky blonde hair, the other female with her brow hair pulled into two buns at the side of her head. “Naruto? The woman asked.

 

“Yeah Tenten?” He jumped on top of the bridge, balancing on a wooden beam.

 

“Where do you suppose they are?”

 

“Neji and Sasuke?”

 

“Yeah…and Lee.”

 

Naruto shrugged, staring off into the distance. “I don’t know…Lee took them out last night. He said he was taking them to a bar.”

Gay Bar Fiasco ~ End


End file.
